Chapter Thirty-Three: I’m Selling It. Do You Want It or Not?

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The night had grown deeper.

Su Yan stood once again before the gate to Li Xiangyang’s courtyard.

This time, there was no anger in her eyes—only despair that cut to the bone.

She knew all too well what those uniforms signified.

They were not ordinary law-enforcement officers, but officials of a higher rank.

That meant Wang Ming would likely never return.

“Li Xiangyang…” she called softly, her voice hoarse.

The courtyard gate opened once more, revealing Li Xiangyang’s tall figure.

“I told you to go home.” His voice was edged with impatience.

“I…” Su Yan bit her lip, then suddenly dropped to her knees. “Please, help me…”

“Get up,” Li Xiangyang said coldly.

“I can give you anything…” Su Yan lifted her head, a feverish light in her eyes. “Haven’t you always wanted me? As long as you help me, I…”

“Enough!”

Li Xiangyang cut her off sharply.

His voice was filled with disgust. “Is that what you think of me? Do you think I’m that kind of man?”

Su Yan froze.

Beneath the moonlight, his eyes held nothing but disappointment and pity.

“Su Yan, have some self-respect.” Li Xiangyang drew a deep breath. “You’re an educated youth from the city. You’ve received an education. How could you do something like this?”

“I…”

“You used to look down on us, thinking we were nothing but country people. But now, it’s your own actions that make you most contemptible.”

It was as though Su Yan had been struck by lightning.

At last, she understood that the Li Xiangyang before her was no longer the foolish young man she could manipulate at will.

“Get up,” Li Xiangyang sighed. “Don’t kneel here anymore. You’re still young. Don’t throw away all your dignity.”

With that, he turned and went inside. Before closing the door, he casually tossed a padded coat into the courtyard.

“Put this on and go home. Don’t freeze.”

“Li Xiangyang…” Su Yan suddenly called after him. “Do you really believe I never had any feelings for you?”

Li Xiangyang stopped, but did not turn around.

“Then tell me,” he said quietly. “How much of what you felt for me was real?”

“All of it.” Su Yan’s voice trembled with tears. “But is it wrong that I didn’t want to stay in the countryside?”

Li Xiangyang finally turned around.

Beneath the moonlight, he saw that the tears on Su Yan’s face had frozen.

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“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he said calmly. “But you could have left through your own efforts instead of climbing upward on someone else’s shoulders, utterly indifferent to what happened to them.”

“Through my own efforts?” Su Yan suddenly laughed, the sound full of bitterness. “Do you not know where I come from? Once I told you about my family background, did you think I didn’t know it was dangerous? I told you anyway…”

She rose and brushed the snow from her knees.

“I said that everything I felt for you was real. Whether you believe me is up to you. Otherwise, why would I have told you about my family? I once imagined a future with you. Every bit of it was real.”

“Think carefully. Didn’t I ever ask you to abandon everything and leave the country with me?”

“And how did you answer me? You said the mountains were a fine place, and asked why anyone would want to go abroad. You had your family. Think about it—wasn’t it only after that conversation that I began approaching Wang Ming?”

She paused.

“Forget it. Believe me or don’t. Just answer me this: with my background, if I relied only on myself, could I truly have returned to the city?”

Li Xiangyang fell silent. For a long while, he said nothing.

Su Yan’s words struck his heart like a stone, sending ripples through him.

He remembered that summer evening in his previous life.

They had been sitting beneath the great locust tree at the entrance to the village, and he had eagerly told Su Yan about his hunting skills.

She had leaned against his shoulder and listened quietly. At last, she had asked, “Would you take me abroad with you? Anywhere would do. With your skills, you’d never starve wherever you went. My family background is bad. My father…”

At the time, he had rejected her without a second thought.

He had said that life in the mountains was good. He had his family and everything familiar around him. Why would he go abroad?

He had even laughed at Su Yan for thinking too far ahead.

Looking back now, that may have been the most genuine moment of her life.

She had been filled with hope, willing to travel far from home with a country boy.

Yet he had personally pushed that opportunity away.

That was why he was so confused now.

He hated Su Yan.

If not for her, how could his previous life have become so miserable?

And yet, the hatred he felt now seemed so pale and feeble.

He had been the one to push her away.

He had driven her to betray him.

From beginning to end, she had possessed a clear goal: either return to the city or go abroad.

“You’re right,” Li Xiangyang said softly. “I did once fail to live up to your sincerity.”

Su Yan was visibly stunned. She had not expected him to admit it.

“But Su Yan,” Li Xiangyang continued, “what’s past is past. What you’re doing now will not bring happiness to anyone.”

“Happiness? You want to talk to me about happiness?” Su Yan wiped away her tears. “Tell me, how am I supposed to find happiness? Aside from my body, what other bargaining chip do I have?”

Her voice turned bitter.

“Yes, I’m shameless. To return to the city, I can sell myself. For a bite to eat, I can do the same. That’s how all of you see me anyway. I don’t care anymore.”

“Fine. Then tell me—how can I survive with hope without becoming shameless or depending on someone else?”

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“If you won’t leave the country with me, then Wang Ming is my only chance. Although his father is in trouble now…”

Her voice trembled.

“He still has connections. But now…”

“So you planned to trade your body for my help?” Li Xiangyang asked coldly.

“Then tell me, what else can I do?” Su Yan suddenly grew agitated. “Can you tell me what path someone like me has left?”

Her voice sounded especially desolate in the cold wind.

“Do you know what I fear most? Not hardship. Not suffering. What I fear most is that ten or twenty years from now, when my face is covered in wrinkles and my hands are rough, I’ll stare at that weathered face in the mirror and ask myself: What was my whole life for?”

Li Xiangyang looked at her, and for the first time, felt a measure of pity.

But he still shook his head.

“Su Yan, your fate is your own. Even if you obtain what you want by these means, when you look at yourself in the mirror someday, won’t you ask yourself the very same question?”

Su Yan’s entire body trembled.

“Go home,” Li Xiangyang said at last. “Think carefully about what you truly want.”

“No.” Su Yan suddenly raised her head, her voice resolute. “I’m not going back.”

Li Xiangyang frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” Su Yan straightened. “Either you agree to help me. If you can get me back to the city, I’ll give you my body, and you can live with anyone you please. Or…”

She drew a deep breath.

“You marry me.”

“Are you insane?”

“I’m not insane.” Su Yan’s voice was unnaturally calm. “Didn’t you tell me to think carefully about what I truly want? I have.”

“All I want is a chance to live properly. If you believe I shouldn’t get it by selling myself, fine. I accept that. I’ll stay in the village and live with you.”

Li Xiangyang stared at her, suddenly seized by dizziness.

He had seen her in a wedding dress before.

But on their wedding day, she had run away.

No matter what her reasons had been, given the chance, she would still make the same choice.

And he himself had no way of accepting her.

Now she was like a trapped beast driven to the end of its path, even her final trace of stubbornness carrying a hint of desolation.

“Su Yan, you’re exhausted,” he said softly.

“Yes, I’m tired.” Su Yan smiled faintly. “That’s why I don’t want to struggle anymore. Will you take me in? I can cook for you, help with the work, and bear your children…”

“Stop!”

Li Xiangyang cut her off harshly.

“Do you know what you’re saying?”

“Of course I do.” Su Yan spoke stubbornly. “I’m selling myself without shame. Just tell me plainly. I’m offering myself to you—do you want me or not?”

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