Volume 1, Chapter 17: Wishing to be Dead

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Ruan Liuzheng bit her lip in shame until it bled, a metallic taste spreading between her teeth.
“Yes, Your Majesty. I will obey.”
A talented woman of the capital reduced to learning piano skills from a theater troupe—that was the height of ridicule, with mocking glances and voices aimed squarely at her.
It threatened to overwhelm her completely.
Lu Chengze looked at her displeased.
“Are you deliberately trying to disgrace our Lu family?”
Ruan Liuzheng’s eyes were red; she pulled out the hand she had hidden in her sleeve to show him.
It bore whip marks, string cuts, and even snake bite marks.
“You destroyed my hand! Are you satisfied now? I can never play the piano again. Lu Chengze, you’ve ruined me too, do you understand?”
She finally broke down; nothing else mattered, but her piano was her life, and now she could never play again.
Seeing her tear-streaked face, Lu Chengze’s heart was also troubled, so he let it go.
“Forget it. If you can’t play the piano, so be it. It’s not the end of the world—you can still dance.”
Ruan Liuzheng pushed him away fiercely.
“Don’t say another word.”
Just hearing him annoyed her.
She began drinking, gulping down the wine.
She still couldn’t accept the reality; the helplessness she felt facing the piano earlier was like a knife twisting in her heart.
She wished she were dead.
She looked at her hand trembling even as it held the wine cup and stifled a sob.
But she couldn’t be too obvious; she buried her face and cried silently.
Lu Chengze listened to her sobs in turmoil.
He wanted to comfort her but didn’t know how. Seeing her so fragile made his heart ache deeply!
It was all Zhou’s fault, his eyes darkening with murderous intent.
Ruan Liuzheng drank several more cups. Her father and mother had witnessed the earlier scene.
Master Ruan approached. “What happened to your hand? Didn’t I tell you to practice diligently? You never used to be like this.”
“Father, please don’t say more.”
“Today you’ve brought nothing but shame to our Ruan family. Your brother still intends to serve in government—how will he face his peers? And your sister, the Empress herself, has a sister like you. If not for her speaking up for you, how could you have endured today?”
“Every word she said degraded me to dust, and you say she spoke up for me? Father, your bias has reached such a level that I have nothing to say!”
She had always been obedient and sensible—never spoken to him like this before.
Master Ruan raised his hand to strike her but quickly withdrew it; there were people around, so he dared not act rashly.
“You’re utterly worthless!”

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Her hand was so badly injured, yet all her family had to say was that she was worthless. She looked at her mother, whose eyes avoided hers—surely she thought the same.
Ruan Liuzheng had long since given up hope; she swallowed the bitterness in her throat and said no more.
The Emperor and Empress were still at the banquet; she wanted to leave but could not.
At that moment, Ruan Yingying said, “Let my servant Qingzhi play a piece for everyone.”
Qingzhi began to play the piano; her skills were good, but most people were watching Ruan Liuzheng.
Ruan family elders were also uneasy at the table.
A mere servant girl outshining their own daughter was utterly humiliating.
Madam Ruan felt some pity for her daughter and comforted her, “Don’t worry, it was just a mistake.”
Ruan Liuzheng paid little attention to the gazes; she thought sadly that her hand was probably beyond repair.
She did not explain much in response to her mother’s comfort; even if her parents saw the wounds, it was no use.
Chu Yunze left the banquet soon after, and Ruan Liuzheng found an excuse to withdraw as well.
She walked to the corridor where hardly anyone was around.
Ahead were jagged rocks of an artificial hill that concealed her figure; she sat there, staring blankly at her hand.
Suddenly, a flute melody sounded nearby. She paused—those notes were familiar. She knew immediately it was him.
She hurried to leave, but suddenly a tight grip around her waist pulled her back into the hill.
“Where do you think you’re running? Do you see me as a beast like a tiger or wolf?”
The heavy scent of dragon’s musk emanated from him, aggressive as his very presence.
But he hadn’t always been this way—once he was gentle and considerate, like spring’s warm breeze, completely unlike now.
“Your Majesty, I did not know you were resting here. I will leave immediately.”
“Thinking of leaving so soon? To your husband’s side?”
“Your Majesty, please show some respect.”
His hand squeezed her waist tightly, pressing harder; she frowned involuntarily.
“I have done nothing wrong; why must Lu Madam ask me to show respect?”
He spoke close to her body, hot breath brushing her ear, confusing her heart.
Behind her was a cold stone wall; only their breaths could be heard, creating an intimate tension.
This was the man she had longed for day and night, yet now he was her brother-in-law, and she was already another’s wife.
She turned her face away. “I beg Your Majesty to release me.”
“You will always make me let go.”
He truly hated her. He had waited three days and nights at the place where they pledged their love, only to learn she was marrying Lu Chengze.
Thinking of that, he grabbed her chin.
“What happened to the piano I gave you?”

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Ruan Liuzheng was startled. “The piano was ruined.”
“Good. You didn’t deserve it.”
He released her, watching her slump to the ground, then turned away without mercy.
Leaving her alone, desolate and sorrowful.
Ruan Liuzheng wiped her tears, a dull ache pressing on her heart, her body swaying.
He always managed to wound her deeply with just a few words.
She bent over, gasping for air; once her emotions settled, she stepped out from the hill.
She intended to return to the banquet but heard shouting, mixed with Lu Chengze’s voice.
What was Lu Chengze doing now?
Though she didn’t want to get involved, she was still part of the Lu family and couldn’t let his mistakes implicate her. She walked over to take a look.
To her shock, Lu Chengze was holding a dagger, seemingly intent on killing Madam Zhou.
Ruan Liuzheng rushed to stop him, pressing down on his hand.
“What are you doing? This is the imperial palace; if you kill her, you’ll lose your life!”
Lu Chengze seemed to come to his senses; his hand trembled.
“She shouldn’t have humiliated you...”
Ruan Liuzheng slapped him hard.
“You hurt yourself, don’t drag me into it! What does that have to do with me?”
What did he mean ‘for her sake’? It was to destroy her, wasn’t it?
Lu Chengze suddenly snapped out of it after the slap, loosening his grip; Madam Zhou collapsed, apparently unconscious.
She was no easy person to get along with—when she awoke, she would surely cause trouble.
Ruan Liuzheng did not want to be involved. She said to Lu Chengze, “You deal with this yourself.”
She turned and returned to the banquet.
But no sooner had she sat down than eunuchs arrived with several men, approaching her.
“Madam Lu, you are requested to come with us.”
A bad feeling stirred in Ruan Liuzheng’s heart.
“May I ask the reason, eunuch?”
“Madam Zhou has accused you of injuring her and demands a confrontation.”