Chapter Thirty-Five: Willingly

Gu Li sat beneath a large tree not far from home, closed her eyes, and quietly savored the life she had never experienced before. Perhaps it felt novel; though her heart was weary, she did not feel much suffering. On the contrary, there was a unique flavor to such a night.

Suddenly, faint footsteps sounded nearby. It seemed someone thought she was asleep, leaning against the trunk, and did not wish to disturb her. He carefully settled down beside her.

Lie Chang’an gazed at her face, intermittently illuminated by the flickering light of the campfire. Her cheeks were smooth as fresh lychees, her skin delicate as goose fat. As beautiful and vibrant as ever, yet there was an unmistakable trace of exhaustion and fatigue, betraying her lack of rest.

He felt a slight pang of sorrow for her.

She was born to nobility and likely had never endured hardship like this.

He recalled the Crown Prince mentioning she had pleaded to leave the palace out of a desire for amusement. He was truly curious—what could possibly be entertaining about traveling to the remote county of Lihuai for disaster relief?

Such is the heart of a child.

Lie Chang’an’s lips curved in a slight smile. Before he realized it, his hand almost involuntarily reached toward the young woman’s charming face…

“General Chang’an?”

Just then, she opened her eyes, bright as stars, fixing them steadily upon him.

Lie Chang’an stiffened, his hand suspended in midair. He feigned nonchalance, waving it as if swatting at something, and replied calmly, “I thought there was a mosquito.”

Gu Li nodded. In the dim light, she did not notice the awkwardness in his expression.

She said nothing further, and he was at a loss for words himself.

For a moment, an odd silence settled between them.

Lie Chang’an sat quietly beside her, holding his breath and clenching his fists. He thought of how she had deliberately avoided and distanced herself these past days, and he truly could not fathom what he had done to offend her.

Though they had always maintained a proper courtesy, conversation between them had never felt forced. It was natural, a back-and-forth, yet ever since he applied medicine for her in that side hall, she had neither visited him again nor shown the same attitude. Not only did she stop smiling, her demeanor became icy cold, as if she wished to flee his presence.

Why?

Could it be his feelings were too obvious, and she sensed them, prompting her annoyance and deliberate detachment?

Lie Chang’an thought of how she appeared in his dreams nearly every night, and how he would always act in ways toward her that made his heart race and his face flush, unable to restrain himself.

Each time he awoke, he felt he had profaned her, and despised himself for such behavior. Yet, though he had always been strict with himself, he simply could not control this matter.

She appeared more and more frequently in his dreams, and her allure grew ever more seductive. He was powerless to resist, and sank deeper into the mire.

If she discovered these shameful, base thoughts of his—he dared not imagine how she would see him.

Would she find him filthy? Disgusting? A toad coveting a swan? Fantasizing beyond his station?

He understood the vast difference between their statuses. She was a princess, beloved by all, while he was merely a military officer born to poverty. He could not compare to the eldest son of Duke Dingguo, who had family, appearance, and talent. He never dreamed of romantic entanglements with her, only wished to accompany her and watch her for a little longer.

Because he knew he was not worthy.

Lie Chang’an had never felt inferior, not even when, three years ago, the emperor commanded him to lead troops into battle and his decorated subordinate generals mocked him. He never cared.

He trusted his own abilities, confident of victory, determined not to fail the emperor, sure he would honor his ancestors and return triumphant, making his name in a single battle.

He accomplished all of that.

He thought he was content with his circumstances, but he never expected his heart would be stirred so suddenly, so completely.

After eighteen years of life, he had fallen for a woman.

He could not say when it happened—perhaps at first glance during a palace banquet, or perhaps after countless subsequent encounters—but she was branded upon his heart, stirring his emotions at every turn.

He had always been someone who seized opportunities, determined to succeed in all things.

If it were any other woman, he could straightforwardly express his feelings, or pursue her patiently.

But with her, he lacked confidence, and dared not try.

The usually aloof and proud General Chang’an, in her presence, became a bashful youth, feeling inferior, nervous, helpless, afraid, and anxious… utterly unlike himself.

He had fallen.

Fallen right into her hands.

Willingly, and without regret.